The house where I lived.

A few days ago I got a call from my mom. The house I grew up in is for sale. Since my sis is now a realtor we scheduled an appointment to go see inside. I haven't seen the inside of this house in 20 years. It was very strange experience for me. I am VERY emotionally attached to this house.

My parent built it when I was in first grade. They then later added on 3 additional bedrooms and another bathroom when my sisters started hitting the teen years. I always felt like it was soooooo nice. So homey. For years I regularly have dreams about this house. Sometime I would wake up and cry. If anyone can explain this to me - please do!

It was always my dream to buy this house back and live in it until I died. It was agonizing the first time I learned it was up for sale for $350,000.00. There was no way I could afford that. It was crushing but over time I got over it - we all do ya know! This time it is for sale for about the same price. Still cant afford it but I was hoping being able to walk through it would put some of my demons or dreams to rest.

I made my hubby go with me for emotional support. He didn't get what a big deal this was for us until we pulled up with my parents and both my sisters cars were there as well as my brothers. It was like a mini family reunion. We were all so excited to see inside. We then spent the next hour walking around, talking and laughing about memories, the house, etc. It was very bonding for us I think.

First off, mom noticed right away that they had painted her marvelous Oak door red. Let's just say she was not happy. We then had to point out that the door probably needed something after 20 years. Although I will say I was not a good red. A strange Rosy red that didn't quite match. Secondly, the house smells OLD. Seriously - we are talking museum old smell here. I noticed major visible carpet pet stains so I'm sure that didn't help. Plus I was amazed at how much of it was still the original house I grew up in. I'm 38 now so yeah - that's a long time to not really update or repair.

The house does have alot of redeeming qualities that I would really love now. Its very secluded, lots of big trees, ALL on one floor (my hubby literally cant go up our stairs due to really bad knees), Has a big shop in the back for crafting, etc, and lots of room for our camper and boat. Plus I could actually have a couple chickens. Yes, its my secret dream to own chickens - I will one day I swear!! The problems however, outweigh the pluses. I cant afford it is a big one for me lol. Plus everything, and I mean everything, needs some sort of work done. We are talking new carpet, paint, (cabinets are flat dark brown and beat up) cabinet makeover, concrete repair ( its all buckling), pool repair (tiles are falling off), new deck (lets just say there were spots I thought I would fall through), landscaping (lots of trimming and cutting back) etc - you get my point. Even if I got this for a great deal - I would spent thousands more just restoring it to what it was or the dream that I know it can become.

I'm still numb from this whole process. Hubby knows that I'm still up and down about the whole thing. I guess its true that when you go back things never are the same. I always remember it being such a beautiful house. But for now I'm concentrating on the memories I have there.

Walking home from school with my sisters. That moment when you would reach our house and cut across the front lawn. Seeing the lights on in the kitchen and knowing mom was waiting for us.

Playing with my sisters all over the place - too many memories to mention...

Walking into the kitchen and finding my little brother playing in the crisco right before we were due to have family pictures taken.

All the animals we had, the dogs, sheep, cows, chickens and turkeys that lived on our small 2 acres from time to time.

Floating down the ditch along side our house all summer. Or swimming in the pool.

I have to stop or Ill start crying.

Here is a shot of the backyard.

The shop that my dad built.

The back patio- one place that didn't look the way it did when I was a kid.

Seriously tho , I probably have mental problems already since I really think living here would also be fun.